Ward's Words #556

The life of a politician. Part-time worker with full-time benefits and pay. 

Ward's Words #554

Michael Meyer’s sister must be pretty dense.  She always hangs out in her home town during Halloween?  Why not get in a car and drive away?  As slow as Michael walks, a bicycle would even be fast enough to keep ahead of him.

Ward's Words #553

While walking through the grocery store yesterday I noticed organic tomatoes cost more than regular tomatoes.  If the definition of organic is, “of, relating to, or derived from living matter” aren’t all tomatoes organic? 

Ward's Words #550

That’s it.  Instead of going green, I’m foregoing green.  That’s right, I’m going to stop eating all fruits and vegetables.  Do you know where they grow?  In the dirt, under the unsanitary sky, where any insect or dirty animal can do anything they want to them.  And even worse, we intentionally put poop on them.  I’m telling you the truth, manure is poop.  I’m foregoing green to eat safer food.  Food manufactured in spotlessly clean laboratories, untouched by human hands.  Who could say no to a nice bowl full of poop free riboflavin?  

Ward's Words #548

Why do caramel apples exist?  We just eat the caramel and throw apple away when we’re done.  The apple is simply the vehicle that transports the caramel to our mouth.  I think we should forgo green and leave the nasty apple out of the equation.

Ward's Words #547

Milk Duds is an example of a good product with a bad name.  I never eat anything called a dud.

Wards Words #545

Odorless Ben Gay makes me feel better while not making me smell like an old man.  Not that the wrinkles and gray hair aren't a dead give-away?