Ward's Words #1227

In an effort to increase airflow throughout our house during the summer months, I’ve installed screen doors on each of our bathrooms.  

Ward's Words #1225

Matches are made for haunted houses. 

Ward's Words #1223

How did the Grinch get so strong if the only muscle that grew was his heart?

Ward's Words #1220

I’m giving up my dream of being a superhero. I don’t strike such an intimidating figure looking a little paunchy in my purple spandex.

Ward's Words #1219

If you buy some old Victorian home and don’t expect it to be haunted you’re a little crazy.

Ward's Words #1216

I sure am glad the Steelers picked Plaxico Burress with their 8th pick of the 2000 draft.  We could’ve gotten stuck with somebody like Tom Brady with pick #199 in the 6th round.  Good thing we still had Kordell Stewart throwing the pigskin.  #Hindsight 

Ward's Words #1215

Isn’t Uber kind of like calling your buddy to pick you up and slipping him a couple of bucks?  That is, if your friends are complete strangers.

Ward's Words #1212

Next time you adjust that expensive necktie or snuggle under that satiny sheet remember, that soft silk came out of a worms butt. 

Ward's Words #1211

I think all food should be cooked and served on a stick.  No pesky plates or forks, the food will be consumed and the stick neatly disposed of.  Sure, pudding might be a challenge and I’m still working out the problems with soup (maybe a communal soup/gravy boat), but all in all, I think it’s the future of dining.

Ward's Words #1209

I love those people who put black tape over the camera on their computer to prevent hackers from seeing them. Umm, your computer has a microphone. You can turn it off but a hacker can certainly turn it back on. Also, many of these people have an Alexa or Google Home so having an active listening device is probably of little concern. By the way, your smart TV also has a camera. 

Ward's Words #1207

I believe barbers should charge by the volume of the customer's hair, not the style of the cut (Looks like I'll be paying pennies on the dollar.)