Ward's Words #891

Boy, do disk golfers get mad when you catch their frisbees and throw them back.  I call it being a goalie.

Ward's Words #890

My new behavior modification technique for the classroom is a mister bottle.  If a child acts out, a few quick spritzes in the face acts as a deterrent.  I call it discipline, yet oddly the school code says its abuse…  I’m pretty sure they’re only guidelines, right?

Ward's Words #887

Taking a cue from the Purge movie series I think once a year we should be allowed to modify our cars, ala the Road Warrior movies, and be able to drive any way we want.

Ward's Words #885

When I was a kid my gym teachers made us wear white socks because black socks supposedly caused athletes foot.  Did we know anything in the 70’s?

Ward's Words #884

They sell these new tactical flashlights that can be seen two nautical miles away.  Great, now, during the zombie apocalypse, every time I take my lightly walk to the potty I’ll draw undead from two miles away.

Ward's Words #881

I just noticed that my vinegar has an expiration date. If vinegar is wine that has expired what does vinegar become?  Vinegar?  

Ward's Words #880

Putting your dog in a red and white, plastic ball and hurling it at some kid would get me in a lot of trouble, but put a Pokemon in there and you’re a friggen hero.

Ward's Words #878

I’m really not a holler back girl.

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