Ward's Laws #1862

I like watching YouTube videos of people eating ghost peppers and nearly dying form the heat. What I'd like better, would be to watch them on the toilet trying to pass one about an hour later.

Ward's Laws #1860

My former doctor advised me to self-administer a Mentos and Coke enema.  Notice I said former doctor.  Talk about explosive results.

Ward's Laws #1858

My electric car's check engine light came on.  The mechanic told me the mouse died and I'd need a replacement.

Ward's Laws #1855

This one is for D&D players. Don't you feel it's strange that clerics, who can't use edged weapons, have a spell called blade barrier that creates a whirling barrier of razor sharp blades?

Ward's Laws #1854

If Ancient Egyptians were so smart, maybe they should've thought enough to add a front door to their pyramids?

Ward's Laws #1852

If psychics are for real, why do you never hear of one giving their readings for free?  I mean lawyers even do free work for crying out loud.

Ward's Laws #1850

I hate those quizzes on Facebook.  What kind of storm are you, or what Star Trek character are you.  I want to make one that says what kind of fart are you.  Then, underneath it, I want to post.  Ooohh... I got silent but deadly.

Ward's Laws #1847

8 TV's in the place, 3 playing the World Cup, and the other 5 the Pirates. Not one person is watching the soccer game, not even the three kids in soccer uniforms or the guy in the France jersey. #ILoveTheBurg

Ward's Laws #1845

Mr. Clean's eyebrows freak me out.

Ward's Laws #1844

Why do politicians always look so out of place when they appear in public wearing normal clothes. They kind of look like burglars robbing a house with no mask... Wait a minute.

Ward's Laws #1841

I owned the first iPhone, The iPhone 3, 4, and now 5. I feel there is something missing?

Ward's Laws #1840

I sure am glad that jock straps don't come in cup sizes.

Ward's Laws #1838

Why do we use the term redhead when their hair color is orange?  Am I missing something?

Ward's Laws #1836

If you have red hair don't get a spiky Mohawk.  It just makes you look like a rooster.

Ward's Laws #1833

  Installing a trap door in my house wasn't a great idea for someone who's absent minded like me.  Does anyone have a ladder?  I'm getting hungry and have to pee.

Ward's Laws #1831

Why don't amusement parks amuse me?  I just get nauseous and sometimes throw up.

Ward's Laws #1830

What caliber of a gun do you use to shoot pool?

Ward's Laws #1827

Will someone in Hollywood please make JRR Tolkien's book, The Hobbit, into a movie.  Thank you.

Ward's Laws #1825

I'll never wear camouflage to my job again.  They thought I blew off work.  I had to strip down to my underwear so they could see me.  That didn't go over so well either.

Ward's Laws #1822

I've seen enough Slasher movies that I know having very large cutlery sitting out in your kitchen is a really bad idea.

Ward's Laws #1821

I can write my name perfectly in the snow but when it comes to toilets I'm all over the place. What, is there a force field over that thing or something?

Ward's Laws #1818

I thought keeping condiments in my glove compartment was a good idea. Who would've known that the mayonnaise would induce immediate, violent vomiting on the first bite. Now, the second bite went a little better but the third went right down the commode again.  All-in-all, it was still better than a school lunch.