Ward's Laws #1456

When survivors in zombie movies board up windows, why do they always slam those boards in any odd way.  I try to think I'd be a bit more tidy...

Ward's Laws #1455

Why doesn't daylight savings time earn interest?

Ward's Laws #1451

My school district should have a serious talk to the person who chose to have Parent Teacher Conferences on National Talk like a Pirate Day.  AArrggg Matie didn't go over with the parents so well!!!

Ward's Laws #1450

I don't want to say I'm old, but Lincoln logs weren't invented till I was grown up. The only toys I had in my day were James Buchanan sticks.  There were 34 of them in the pack but oddly seven of them wouldn't stick to the rest.

Ward's Laws #1448

Did anyone ever notice what kind of hat Captain Crunch wears?  He's a freak'en pirate!!!  What kind of role model is he for little kids?  Next thing you know Disney will start making movies with a silly pirate in them and...  Oh crap!  What has the world come to?

Ward's Laws #1446

If I get bit by a zombie I'm gonna put on a helmet. Take that doomsday preppers.

Ward's Laws #1443

I'm not afraid of zombies...  I'm from Pittsburgh. We survived the 1968 Romero apocalypse and won the World Series three years later.

Ward's Laws #1439

As newspapers disappear, a casualty to the digital age, what are people going to line their birdcages with?  Kindles?

Ward's Laws #1438

Is there some cosmic rule that states, "every time I want to sit on my deck my neighbor decides to cut his grass?"

Ward's Laws #1434

If Insync sang poorly wound they be Outofsync?

Ward's Laws #1432

Did you ever notice when people dress up in a Star Trek uniform they always choose the classic version. Think of that the next time you argue which series was best.

Ward's Laws #1430

Did you ever notice when people dress up in a Star Trek uniform they always choose the classic version. That's because the others are just lesser versions.

Ward's Laws #1427

I got kicked out of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry because I couldn't memorize any spells. Hey, I was lucky I could remember my locker combination.

Ward's Laws #1426

My boss questioned a couple of articles in my classroom budget. I guess the harpoon gun was a little excessive but I really do need the night vision goggles.

Ward's Laws #1424

I'm on the cusp of inventing the first Tupperware submarine.  Just burp the edge and it's ready to go underwater. If only I could keep my crew alive for more than five minutes.  That reminds me, I need volunteers for my next test...

Ward's Laws #1422

Next family reunion I getting one of those things Peyton Manning wears on his arm to keep track of plays.  That way I can be remember the name of my Uncle Bill... Aunt Sally,... Timmy my narcissistic cousin...