Ward's Laws #1730

If you're eating Lucky Charms cereal and there are very few marshmallows in it, are they really lucky?

Ward's Laws #1727

What is the purpose of butt cheeks?  I mean other than looking good in jeans.  No other animal has them?  No other animal has to wipe his or her butt either.  Strike two evolution.  Lol

Ward's Laws #1725

A stinkbug bit me today.  With my luck it was probably radioactive and bestowed upon me his powers of stench.  Oh well, with great power comes great responsibilities.   I think I'll go take a nap.

Ward's Laws #1723

The fine people at Ward's Laws have inadvertently come up with an alternative to prison.  We suggest that criminals be fitted with a set of dental braces and forced to repeat 4th grade.  After the abuse they'll receive, and the extorted milk money, said felon will become a model citizen.

Ward's Laws #1721

I think my house is haunted.  I keep hearing a voice telling me to eat the last slice of chocolate cake and when I turn around, there's no one there...

Ward's Laws #1720

If my dog descended from the wolves, his pack must've been kind of lethargic.

Ward's Laws #1718

I think the men's room should have higher standards. I've seen little boys come outta there with nary a hair on their face, toilet paper dragging underfoot.  We really need to rethink the term men.

Ward's Laws #1715

Shouldn't Americans say one-teen instead of eleven? Don't even get me started on two-teen.

Ward's Laws #1714

Why aren't there any vegetarian sharks?  I'd start swimming in the ocean again.

Ward's Laws #1708

In the TV show Lassie, six generations of the same collie played the title role.  I wonder how many Timmy's it took?  Man, was that kid clumsy, but on the other hand why were there so many abandoned wells and dangerous cliffs on that farm?

Ward's Laws #1707

Is anyone else creeped out buy the way Mrs. Butterworth glides around like a specter?  Ok, need we add in the fact that we were consuming the contents of a living bottle.

Ward's Laws #1705

I had end my career as a 007 spy.  I could never remember that my toothpaste was a laser gun, so in a word, my gums are ruined.

Ward's Laws #1703

Freakin' Popeye kept staring at me.  I think it was the spinach stuck between my teeth, but it's just creepy.

Ward's Laws #1701

My doctor told me to add more fiber to my diet so I started eating fruit roll-ups. It hasn't made that much of a difference yet, but at least I'm taking his advice for once.

Ward's Laws #1699

What ever happened to Mr. Butterworth?

Ward's Laws #1696

I love watching old James Bond movies...  I love how silly his gadgets are.  Look, he's using a Walkman!!!

Ward's Laws #1695

I dyed my back-hair green and painted a diamond on it.  It was to commemorate the start of the baseball season.  Later, I took a nap on my stomach, only to be awakened by a little league game in progress on my back.   Man, those cleats really dig in.  #Ineedtolosesomeweight

Ward's Laws #1692

Ward's Laws science division has successfully crossed a tiger and a giraffe.  On a side note, you will need to stay a good 10 feet back from the cage.

I asked for interview questions a few weeks back.  Check out how the interview played out.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hd_8V4vYrBk&app=desktop

Ward's Laws #1691

If you find a hair in your food it's kind of gross.  But you can pull the offending follicle out and get rid of it.  What do you do with the millions of dead skin cells left in dough after someone kneads it?  Gulp!!!

Ward's Laws #1689

I should've figured out that my family was trying to get rid of me when they gave me lawn jarts for my 6th birthday.

Ward's Laws #1687

Why doesn't someone come up with the something like Lego home additions.  A couple quick snaps and you have a new solarium.  And for a few extra dollars it can look like the Millennium Falcon.

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Ward's Laws #1684

I like how text message conversations start getting shorter until they eventually end with an emoticon.  That's the text way of saying, "I don't want to talk to you anymore, K"

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Ok, it's cold outside and the snow's piling up... Why not take a peek at some good reading. My publisher, Smashwords, is having a big promotion. I have my first zombie book on there for ***FREE***. That's right, Parasite, is free. Just click on the link and use the promotion code just below the price to buy my book for "NOTHING!" If you have any questions message me.

Here's the link
https://www.smashwords.com/books/search?query=doug+ward

There's also a lot of quality Indy eBooks there so have fun and good reading!!!

Ward's Laws #1682

When I'm old, I'm not going to have a pet.  If I die in my sleep my once loving puppy will probably devour me where I lay.  The coroner will probably have to wait for my dog to poop so he can have something to autopsy.