Ward's Words #875

I read recently that worms were found in burgers at 2 Kentucky McDonald’s restaurants.  I guess I was lucky, cause mine only had half of a worm.

Ward's Words #874

That moment, when your at a concert and you look at the crowd and realize…  They’re all moms and dads… Grandparents…  It’s like seeing Metalica with my parents.

Ward's Words #871

Why does everyone drive so slow when you have a peeker in the pipe?

Ward's Words #869

I can tell the Ghost Hunters don't know what they're doing. There's never any mention of Scooby Snacks. 

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Ward's Words #868

If I use two half n halfs in my coffee does that make a whole?

Ward's Words #865

I knew the SS Minnow was going to have a tragic end.  It’s a baitfish after all. 

Ward's Words #863

Before eating sloppy or greasy meals, I like to take my shirt off.  I guess I figure if I get a stain on my shirt, it’s hard to remove, but I can always shower.  That’s about the same time my waitress asked me to leave.

Ward's Words #862

I thought wearing a captains hat would make me like an 80's rock star. Sadly, at this age it only makes me look like the Skipper from Gilligan's Island. 

Ward's Words #860

I cut my finger while on the beach. Ocean water, being so salty like a liquid septic stick should staunch the flow of blood. Right?

Ward's Words #858

There's no smoking on the beaches which isn't a good thing cause I sure was smoking in my new mankini. 

Ward's Words #856

Sadly, the only inheritance my family will get from me is my National Geographic collection and maybe the toenails I clipped and casually dropped behind the couch.

Ward's Words #854

I liked tunafish much better before they took the dolphin out of it.