Ward's Laws #1380

I just got Zombie Apocalypse Insurance.  So when the undead destroy the world I'm gonna so cash in!!!

Ward's Laws #1379

I think my pet rock is dead.  It hasn't moved in a few days and I'm getting worried.

Ward's Laws #1373

I have to admit that I only ever watched one episode of the Sopranos.  I couldn't figure out why the cast was mostly men who were altos if anything.

Ward's Laws #1371

While cutting grass I think I mowed over an entire Smurf community...  I thought those were just mushrooms, not homes...  Man, cleaning the mowers blades is just going to be gross.

Ward's Laws #1369

My insurance company says they wont cover an earthquake unless it's caused by super villain activity.  This is the last time I buy my coverage out of the back or a comic book.

Ward's Laws #1368

I wonder if Batman has a zipper in his costume?  If not it must take forever for him to get ready to pee.

Ward's Laws #1366

 Did you know Cinemark doesn't like it when you try to make their theater into a Drive-In?

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Ward's Laws #1364

Why is it olden times during times when the theater was young and people were starving they still had food to throw at actors?  Now we just mock them on twitter...  I long for the olden days...

Ward's Laws #1361

Why do nutritionists relate nutrition to a pyramid then tell us to eat three square meals?

Ward's Laws #1360

This is just a hypothetical question mind you.  Say my mom gets bit by a zombie and I chain her in the basement.  Is it wrong to feed her my neighbors to preserve her undead state?  If I didn't keep her around who'd bake me cookies?  Sure I have to pick out the occasional fingertip but... Er... Would have to I mean. As if anything that far fetched would ever happen.

Ward's Laws #1358

There was a woman sitting near me in a local restaurant who was coughing uncontrollably.   Was it wrong of me to assess all nearby objects as to their effectiveness at bashing her in the head in the eventuality she turns into one of the denizen of the undead.

I'm in my college alumni magazine

That's right, The Rock magazine gave me and my books a mention on page 9.  Those guys at Slippery Rock University are great!

http://issuu.com/www.sru.edu/docs/rock_mag_spring_2013?e=1984265/3982968

Ward's Laws #1356

Why do people age meat?  Doesn't it kind of rot a little as it ages?  You never see those same people picking up a week old roadkill.  I agree with Gollum as he says, " Give it to us raw and w-r-r-riggling; you keep nasty chips."

Ward's Laws #1353

Is anyone else a little creeped out by Captain America?  I mean a blond haired, blue-eyed, super soldier.  Where have I heard that before?

Ward's Laws #1350

You know you're not real important when the person you're at a baseball game with catches a foul ball and immediately texts someone else. 

Ward's Laws #1348

Ward's Laws #1348  NASCAR announcer has to be one of the lowest rungs on sports announcing ladder. Just right there above golf and below figure skating.  You have to be hoping; "any day now and they'll call me up to the big leagues."

Ward's Laws #1340

Suntans are not only a cancer risk but they're also a dead giveaway that you're not part of the undead hoard.  Another apocalypse safety tip brought to you by the fine people at Ward's Laws.

Book Analysis | iTunes Book Charts

Parasite - The True Story of the Zombie Apocalypse by Doug Ward - Book Analysis | iTunes Book Charts