Ward's Words #1073

Just thinking about all those dinosaurs swimming around in my gas tank makes me proud to know my Subaru is Velociraptor powered.

Ward's Words #1072

I met a tiny scientist. He was a microbiologist.

Ward's Words #1070

Driving up the onramp I had visions of Evil Kenevil getting ready to jump a bunch of busses. As I passed said onramp… It was kind of a big letdown.

Ward’s Words #1068

I don’t understand hoodies. Having your hood up during a normal conversation, what are you?  A gnome. It's ridiculous. It's 70 degrees and you have your hood up. Are you trying to avoid some nearby Nazgul?

Ward's Words #1066

If you see three mongoose would you call them mongeese?

Ward's Words #1064

I think we have nuclear war all wrong. I say, instead of launching them at other countries, we just buy a couple of hammers. If someone launches theirs at us we hit ours with a hammer. No need to intercept their missiles. You launch yours at us and America destroys the world. No winners. No losers. There’s no hiding when we incinerate the world and just think of how much we’d save on rocket engines.

Ward's Words #1061

Putting an Amazon dot in your living room is like asking hackers to watch the Daily Show with you. Laziness is no reason to give up your privacy.