Ward's Laws #1161

I used to fear becoming a werewolf until in figured out that I'd only be covered with fur on full moons rather than every day...

Ward's Laws #1162

For some reason I'm afraid to get a drink of water after flushing a toilet.  Serves me right for doing the plumbing myself...

Ward's Laws #1153

Why do all of the Loony Tunes characters have speech disorders?

Ward's Laws #1152

I think I need a new doctor. He says I'm gaining weight. He totally overlooked the obvious. I'm probably hosting an alien parasite.

Ward's Laws #1149

Golf is a really boring sport to watch. Maybe if they randomly released a velociraptor on the course it would get more viewers. I know I'd tune in.

Ward's Laws #1145

I don't like toys that talk to me. They make me feel that we're just a step away from the machines taking control of the world. If someone opens a company named Skynet, I'm running for the hills...

Ward's Laws #1138

The birth control product named Ramses was doomed from the start. Maybe if the old pharaoh hadn't fathered over 100 children...