Ward's Words #621

Every time I try to return my glasses to the optometrist they're closed.  It’s almost like they see me coming.

Ward's Words #619

During Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer, why didn't they want Hermey to be a dentist when at the end of the show they clearly had a need for one. 

Ward's Words #618

Do you know what bothers me about Star Wars?  They're always forcing The Force on you. 

Ward's Words #615

Isn’t it odd that in the second Star Trek movie the Enterprise sent a Vulcan into a volcano to act as a volcanologist.  Does anyone else see a theme here?

Ward's Words #613

For sale, seven person touring vessel.  The boat is currently shipwrecked on a desert island.  Hole in the side, No phone, no lights no motor cars, not a single luxury.  If you like living like Robinson Crusoe, you’ll love the SS Minnow.  Pick-up only.

Ward's Words #612

My school supplied the staff with red bags full of emergency supplies and a yellow vest to wear during disaster and shooter drills.  Great idea guys.  Let’s just put a bullseye on our backs.   

Ward's Words #610

My neighbors are complaining that Legolas is not a Christmas decoration. I argue that He's an elf dammit!  Sure, maybe adding Gimli was a stretch, but at least I didn't put up the Eye of Sauron this year.