Ward's Laws #1257

You know you're really hairy when your vet accidentally applies Frontline between your shoulders.

Ward's Laws #1254

Scientists say the brontosaurus never existed but I know they're wrong.  How can they explain the fact that Fred Flintstone was a Bronto Crane operator?  I clearly saw him sliding down the fabled creatures back bellowing "yabba dabba doo!"  Another science blunder exposed by Ward's Laws!

Ward's Laws #214

I don't believe in "No Child Left Behind." I think we should leave at least a few behind, if for no other reason than to slow down the zombies that are chasing us.

Ward's Laws #162

Isn't it funny that Odysseus was the key player in the Odyssey.  Do you think Homer was grasping for character names at some point?  I wonder if he was thinking...  "Hmmm, if I change one letter from the title... no one will pick up on that!"

Ward's Laws #157

Old people always say they used to lie in the grass and look up at the clouds, picking out the forms they looked like. Remember kids they had no TV back in those days. That’s why they did stuff like that.  Give them a Playstation and see if they would have gone outside.  It was almost like they were stuck on Gilligan's Island, not a single luxury.

Wards Laws #155

What the heck are road crews thinking. I mean, I understand that maybe one of the workers isn't really smart but to make that poor person hold a sign saying the he or she is “SLOW” is just wrong. 

Ward's Laws #154

Did you ever notice old people always say kids should go play outside. They then launch into tales about how they played outside all day. Well, if outside is so great, why don't they ever go outside as an adult? Don't be fooled kids. They just want you outta their hair. They’re sick of you monopolizing the TV and want the remote for themselves.