The
power went out during my rectal exam so I wound up with only a semicolonoscopy.
If I'm arguing with my parents and it looks like I'm going to lose, is it wrong for me to start singing the beloved Disney hit, "The Circle of Life?"
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Ward's Laws #1196
I just added anti-snore strips to my zombie apocalypse bug-out bag. It was my wife's suggestion.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Ward's Laws #1188
I never
donate blood. I know it's just a front
for vampires living in underground Goth communities. If our blood supplies ever diminish I don't
want them to rise to the surface world craving the taste of my unique flavor.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Ward's Laws #1185
I'm terminating my Nobel worthy experiment. I was actually reviving pterodactyls from DNA locked in amber. After my first few successes, I found they don't make glass cleaner in great enough quantities to handle guano that size...
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Ward's Laws #1169
Zombies are people too. When
bad things happen they tend to fall to pieces.
Bad things like when I hit them with a baseball bat...
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Ward's Laws #1167
I hope I never get false teeth. If I turn into a zombie I want to be fully capable of biting my prey.
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