Ward's Laws #1986

Ok, it's a proven fact that older gentleman lose their butts.   The fine people at Ward's Laws are here to help. That's why we designed Butt Buddies. Butt Buddies are space age Neoprene pads shaped like youthful cheeks. Never go anywhere without your butt buddies. Women will take notice the first time you bend over to tie your shoe. Remember butt buddies always have your back.

Ward's Laws #1983

Rube Goldberg was fired from his position as a cell phone designer.  He kept insisting on using a mousetrap and a bowling ball as the power button.

I can feel the 2000th Ward's Laws, code named "Shartnado," churning deep inside me.

Ward's Laws #1982

I think the terminology used at old folks homes should be changed. Take for instance the term "walker."  Sure, lots of old farts use them to get around, but I'm not taking the fall for bashing that (potential zombie) old lady for saying "walker" so flippantly.  I think it's her fault for not clarifying her use of easily confusable terminology.  And as for little Timmy...  Suck it up, crybaby.  She was gonna pass away sometime, and yes.  I had to double tap her so we could be sure she wouldn't rise again.  I really have to stop watching the Walking Dead...

19 more Ward's Laws until Shartnado.  The pressure is building......

Ward's Laws #1980

Let me get this straight.  Twilight is a series of five movies, all about a human woman trying to choose between a vampire and a werewolf.  Can you imagine if they threw a zombie in there?  Three more movies with parts all over the place.

Ward's Laws #1978

I have to cut down on the fiber.  I think I pooped out a pinecone a few minutes ago.