Ward's Laws #1680

I went into a vintage clothing shop and saw my entire wardrobe.  It was kind of a zen moment until I realized I'm the personification of retro.

"Zombie Story" - A Mind-Blowing Comparison of The Walking Dead & Toy Story

Ward's Laws #1679

If your friend has the theme song to Candy Crush on their music playlist, there's a problem.

Ward's Laws #1677

My next career is going to be a dog translater.  "Sure lady, your dog said he wants another treat.  And a walk once in a while wouldn't hurt either."

Ward's Laws #1675

I wonder if John Connor likes Arnold Schwarzenegger movies?

Ward's Laws #1673

Who saves Space Ghost nearly every episode?  Jan... No.  Jace... No!  Blip...  Space Ghost owes his worthless hide to a space monkey!!!

Ward's Laws #1670

Always watch your spelling when discussing things you eat.  An extra vowel and you could be dining on Poop Tarts.  Or worse yet...  Pop Sharts.

Ward's Laws #1668

Just wait till my coworkers get a load of my new Justice League lunchbox. That's right, straight to the cool table. I just wish the lid didn't feature Aquaman.

Ward's Laws #1667

I bought a car that was painted camouflage.  My best guess is it's still in the woods where I lost it.

Ward's Laws #1665

Was having the Olympics in Russia a good idea. Wasn't it about this date last year that an asteroid exploded above Russia, with the power of 30 Hiroshima atomic bombs?

Ward's Laws #1662

The car rental place stuck me with a Kia Soul. How am I supposed to look tough driving up to the comic book shop in a geeky car like that?

Ward's Laws #1661

I hate Superman movies. His main nemesis is a scrawny bald guy.  Seriously.

Ward's Laws #1659

In medieval times why do the starving masses always have food to throw at people about to be beheaded?

Ward's Laws #1657

Why didn't R2D2 speak English?  My freakin' iPad speaks English for crying out loud!

Ward's Laws #1655

I've come up with another alternative to burying our dead.  You get one of those food storage machines that seals the food in while it sucks the air out.  That way you could keep uncle Phil in the attic and put him out on holidays.  They'd look like action figures.  Maybe they could make boxes to display them and even add slogans like, Cousin Timmy with Kung Fu Grip, or my favorite, Mom, with angry glare.

Ward's Laws #1653

Luckily, my dog is two headed. If he was two butted scooping his poop would take forever.

Ward's Laws #1651

I was scooping my dog's poop off of the lawn and I noticed that some of the poop didn't look like his.  That's right, I think there was a second pooper.  I'm pretty sure he came from the grassy knoll.

Ward's Laws #1648

Why did the Vatican stop updating their outfits around the time of the Renaissance?  I mean, there's more lace on the pope and cardinals than any grandma could tat in a lifetime.