Ward's Words #935

Did you ever wonder why the hero always wins. We, here at Ward's Words, have isolated the reason. It's the music. Evil is always depicted with foreboding, twisted melodies while the hero rises with that inspirational score.  How can you out-box Rocky with a theme like “Eye of the Tiger.”

Ward's Words #933

If you don't believe in a grand designer then explain why turkeys come with that little plastic pop out thing that indicates when it's cooked all the way through. 

Ward's Words #932

I love turtles.  If you cook them upside down you get soup with a built-in bowl. (No actual turtles were harmed during the writing of these words.) 

Ward's Words #930

Maybe we shouldn't name our elite group of Navy soldiers, Seals. Seals are animals that are prey. Ones that are easily clubbed.  I think we should call them Cybernetic Enhanced Space Dragon Samurai.  Who in their right mind would mess with that?   

Ward's Words #928

On shows like Ghost Hunters or Ghost Adventures, when the guys catch an EVP on their handheld devices why don't we hear it? The camera filming the whole thing records sound just like their little handheld device. The camera probably has a better capacity for sound than a little handheld recorder.  Debunk that one fellas.  

Ward's Words #926

Wendy's square hamburgers disturb me.  Those meat corners peeking out of the bun represent a decent amount of hamburger real estate that bears no condiments what-so-ever.  You’re just eating plain burger at every corner.

Ward's Words #924

While watching several Let Go commercials I noticed a disturbing trend. It's never the person who owns the item who sells it. "I'm saving this for my man-cave."  The other says, “Let's sell it on Let Go."