Ward's Words #909

Do you know why people put those little sunscreens in the back windows of their cars? Because babies are actually vampires. Why else would they shun sunlight?

Ward's Words #907

My idea of using clown cars as a way to increase participation in carpooling has hit a snag. I could only fit two people in the tiny vehicle without a chipper.

Ward's Words #905

I was in a holistic medicine shop. There was a sign that advertised Reiki for $20. For a yard full of leaves like mine that's quite a bargain. 

Ward's Words #903

Why would anyone buy an old house where all the furniture is covered with sheets?  If anything screams haunted house it's that. 

Ward's Words #901

I was accused of killing a man in the mall bathroom. Sure, from two stalls away I let fly with a silent but deadly fart, yet I don’t believe in the single pooper theory. I think there was another pooper on the other side of the gassy bowl.

Ward's Words #899

While out for a walk on a nice, secluded rails to trails did you ever wonder how many serial killers you pass by and give a friendly nod to. 

Ward's Words #897

While looking for a restroom at the mall, I noticed that there was a family bathroom. Is that so they can encourage you while you go to the potty?  Both breath grandma, it’s an SBD!