Ward's Laws #1947

A pocket protector doesn't make you a nerd.  It's the slide rule and the things you bling it out with that does.

Ward's Laws #1945

Does anyone know if Febreze can cover the stench of a corpse?  I mean a body in full putrefaction?  Not that I have one here mind you. I'm just thinking ahead...  Ummm... Wondering.  That's it.  I'm just...  Never mind.

Ward's Laws #1943

Bumper pool is the disappointing answer to a small room.

Ward's Laws #1941

My dog is blind.  I believe he thinks I'm a god.  Three times a day I make food appear.  I also make his poop disappear but I don't think he understands that one.

Ward's Laws #1939

My friend Dave didn't go outside a lot. He kept his house really cold in the winter to save on gas prices so I gave him a house plant as a present. That way he could see the change of seasons indoors.

Ward's Laws #1938

Do women ever get stage freight?  In the bathroom, I mean.

Ward's Laws #1936

My dental hygienist was awarded one of the best in her job. She was a little disappointed though. She only got plaque.