Ward's Words #984

I was playing the Sarah Palin version of Scrabble. The tiles had complete words on them.

Ward's Words #981

When I was younger, women treated dating me like a sport. It must've been fishing because they seemed to practice catch and release a lot. 

Ward's Words #980

Nuclear War is like peeing in a pool. Sure, you detonate a missile in another country, but then, mere hours later, the rotation of the earth puts you in the middle of the fallout.

Ward's Words #978

Sadly, I was researching my heritage and my family crest involves images of both hairballs and toenail clippings. 

Ward's Words #975

In our overly hydrated world, where people carry large water containers everywhere they go, we must be putting a lot of undue pressure on our public facilities. 

Ward's Words #973

My wife said she likes the atmosphere in this new restaurant. I gave her a strange look and said, “I don’t get it.  The atmosphere is 78% nitrogen, 21% oxygen, 0.9% argon, and 0.03% carbon dioxide with very small percentages of other elements just like the rest of the earth.”

Ward's Words #972

I remember when going tubing used to mean sliding down a hill on an uncontrolled truck inner tube. Now it's just more sitting on the couch watching videos of people sliding down hills on YouTube. Go outside and play!!!