Ward's Laws #165

I was asked recently if I was afraid of demons…  I just laughed and answered, “My wife just went through menopause, a demon would be a walk in the park.”

Ward's Words #162

Every time I visit Canada I notice how European it feels.  Maybe it's their language or it could be driving on the other side of the road, it always amazes me.  Speaking of driving, they are some of the worst motorists I've ever encountered.  Not only are they all over the road but they frequently honk their horns or shake a fist for no apparent reason.  I just chalk this hockey-like violent behavior up to having an overly long winter.

Ward's Words #161

My new line of scented candles aren't really selling well.  Burnt toast and wet dog are among the worst, but I really dropped the ball with week old sushi.

Ward's Words #158

What ever happened to Count Chocula?  Was his unnatural life ended by Van Helsing or did he succumb to the FDA?

Ward's Words #156

After watching the Super Bowl I noticed my Select Comfort bed was slightly deflated.  Coincidence?

Ward's Words #155

I accidentally switched yogurt brands to Activia.  Now, I have the digestive system of a teenage girl.

Ward's Words #152

If Bigfoot are just another branch of hominids, then what do we do with them.  Maybe we teach them, but I really pity the school principal who has to discipline them.