Ward's Words #1163

In 2019 I’ll be applying for a new job as a Blade Runner. 

Ward's Words #1161

Winter is coming early this summer. If you understand this, you’re my kind of people. 

Ward's Words #1159

I hate Christmas.  April got glitter wrapping paper and it’s everywhere.  I swear I’ve eaten at least a teaspoon of the sparkly stuff.  

Ward's Words #1157

Elf on a shelf is not only creepy but it is just another obligation for parents who uphold the myth of the season.

Ward's Words #1156

I just found out that my tax collector doesn’t accept Groupons.  

Ward's Words #1153

I have to admit that I am a distracted driver.  Whenever I pass holiday displays I become very distracted.  In order to combat this, I close my eyes.  That blocks the offending images and lets me get past them without any problem.

Ward's Words #1152

I really feel for the brave workers who build IKEA stores.  The building all come in flat, well-packed boxes, with those little wrenches.  The directions alone, since they contain no words, probably drive most construction workers out of their minds.

Ward's Words #1150

You’d think impatiens would grow faster. 

Ward's Words #1148

Betty Crocker wasn’t a real person.