Ward's Words #1170

Back in Jr. High, why did the lunch ladies all look so good on pizza Friday with chocolate milk and potato chips?

Ward's Words #1168

While watching the first Avengers movie, I noticed that everyone in Germany spoke English. 

Ward's Words #1166

Wii sports should be added to the Olympics.

Ward's Words #1164

My wife wants a button added to eBay that allows you to communicate with other people who are bidding on the same item. That way she can tell them such things as, “I’ll cut you if you bid again,” or, “I’m outside your house right now, so if you outbid me it could go badly for you… Real bad!!!”

Ward's Words #1163

I mistakenly went to parapsychologist and now, not only am I still anxiety-ridden, but I see dead people. 

Ward's Words #1161

If the cashew fits, wear it. 

Ward's Words #1158

On a recent exam, I was asked a few trick questions. That’s the last time I go to Hogwarts. 

Ward's Words #1155

If diamonds are so rare how come they keep coming up with engagement rings with up to fifty of them?  Me thinks there’s a scam afoot. 

Ward's Words #1153

I mistakenly went to parapsychologist and now, not only am I anxiety-ridden, but I see dead people. 

Ward's Words #1150

I wonder what those nimble Sleestak’s, from The Land of the Lost, hunted? Sloths?

Ward's Words #1148

The Witch-king of Angmar, also known as the Lord of the Nazgûl and the Black Captain, served as Sauron's second in command for over 4000 years. A fearsome warrior of incredible power simply lets a virtually untrained woman slide a sword into him without attempting to block it?

Ward's Words #1147

My new MySpace account will make my domination of social media complete!!!  Bwahahaha

Ward's Words #1145

I wonder where the fine people at Webster’s look when they need to check the spelling of a word?

Ward's Words #1143

I never told anyone but I have a gift. I can psychically tell when someone has to go to the bathroom. I call it ESPeeing. It’s really more of a burden than a gift.

Ward's Words #1141

My idea for a granite toilet seat sure looked good but it left the public kind of cold.

Ward's Words #1138

Making muffins on the grill really isn’t panning out.  Although, they do get a nice beefy taste.