Ward's Words #1073

Just thinking about all those dinosaurs swimming around in my gas tank makes me proud to know my Subaru is Velociraptor powered.

Ward's Words #1072

I met a tiny scientist. He was a microbiologist.

Ward's Words #1070

Driving up the onramp I had visions of Evil Kenevil getting ready to jump a bunch of busses. As I passed said onramp… It was kind of a big letdown.

Ward’s Words #1068

I don’t understand hoodies. Having your hood up during a normal conversation, what are you?  A gnome. It's ridiculous. It's 70 degrees and you have your hood up. Are you trying to avoid some nearby Nazgul?

Ward's Words #1066

If you see three mongoose would you call them mongeese?

Ward's Words #1064

I think we have nuclear war all wrong. I say, instead of launching them at other countries, we just buy a couple of hammers. If someone launches theirs at us we hit ours with a hammer. No need to intercept their missiles. You launch yours at us and America destroys the world. No winners. No losers. There’s no hiding when we incinerate the world and just think of how much we’d save on rocket engines.

Ward's Words #1061

Putting an Amazon dot in your living room is like asking hackers to watch the Daily Show with you. Laziness is no reason to give up your privacy.

Ward's Words #1060

That sad moment when you realize you’re the old couple at the party.

Ward's Words #1057

Daylight savings time makes me think. How can I set my clock back 30 years?

Ward's Words #1055

I have to admit to all of my friends. I'm a spy. No, not Russian. I'm a Canadian spy.  I’m kind of like your cooler, older brother but I have better beer.  We don't believe in waterboarding, we just promise a nice breakfast at Tim Horton's and every American spills the beans.

Ward's Words #1053

The guy who stole our identity is spending less than April and I do so we just decided to let it go.

Ward's Words #1050

I wonder if China has cheap stores full of stuff labeled Made in America?

Ward's Words #1048

Isn't it odd that Caesar salad originated in Mexico?

Ward's Words #1046

We, the fine people at Ward’s Words, have developed a new breakfast cereal called Tweeties. The new presidential treat that usually spells out fake news.

I don't like to promote my books and art here but if you like Ward's Words or want to read the first and/or second of my Zombie Apocalypse Books they are ***FREE*** downloads at https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/DougWard my other books are %50 off so get yours today.

Ward's Words #1044

We, at Ward's Words (formerly Ward's Laws) have been working on a mouthguard to protect one's mouth from the razor sharp Captain Crunch effect. Titanium is useless against the abrasive fiberglass texture of this breakfast food.