Ward's Laws #1292

Why didn't Charlie's angels ever bust women?

Ward's Laws #1291

I don't want to say my family's a bunch of rednecks but my tux for the prom was blaze orange camo.  My dad did spend all day detailing the truck.  He even put a new racing stripe on it.  Sure it was made out of duct tape but it's the thought, right?

Ward's Laws #1290

Why is it that most people own duct tape but have never use it on their ducts?

Ward's Laws #1288

Why do I call it a blackboard when it's actually green?

Ward's Laws #1287

My dentist sponsors 9 hockey teams. The funny thing is he doesn't even like the sport...

Ward's Laws #1286

Why is Bigfoot spelled with a capitol "B?"  Shouldn't we have to actually find one before we make it a proper noun?  Maybe for their size they have smallish sized feet?  How silly we'll look then, huh?

Ward's Laws #1285

I don't want to say my parents were rednecks but they did send me Easter egg hunting with a 12 gauge shot gun.

Ward's Laws #1283

Why do seagulls always gather around Jong John Silvers restaurants?   This is Pittsburgh!!!  There's no ocean here!!!

Ward's Laws #1280

The first time I walked onto a playground and approached the seesaw I remember some fish faced kid warning, "It's a trap!"  I guess I should've listened to Admiral Ackbar.  Cause the chubby kid on the other side trapped me in the air for 10 minutes before slipping off his side, dropping me to a famous butt breaker.

Ward's Laws #1274

I guess Achilles mother didn't believe in double dipping.

Ward's Laws #1271

I'm going to stop brushing my teeth.  I figure after a couple of days my boss will start avoiding me instead of the other way around.

Ward's Laws #1269

If the Trix rabbit never ate Trix cereal how was he able to describe it so well?

Ward's Laws #1270

If Humpty Dumpty was an egg wasn't he really a she?

Ward's Laws #1267

Never eat animal crackers at the zoo.  It really creeps the animals out...

Ward's Laws #1260

There would be less traffic fatalities if Nerf made cars!

Ward's Laws #1257

You know you're really hairy when your vet accidentally applies Frontline between your shoulders.

Ward's Laws #1254

Scientists say the brontosaurus never existed but I know they're wrong.  How can they explain the fact that Fred Flintstone was a Bronto Crane operator?  I clearly saw him sliding down the fabled creatures back bellowing "yabba dabba doo!"  Another science blunder exposed by Ward's Laws!

Ward's Laws #214

I don't believe in "No Child Left Behind." I think we should leave at least a few behind, if for no other reason than to slow down the zombies that are chasing us.

Ward's Laws #162

Isn't it funny that Odysseus was the key player in the Odyssey.  Do you think Homer was grasping for character names at some point?  I wonder if he was thinking...  "Hmmm, if I change one letter from the title... no one will pick up on that!"

Ward's Laws #157

Old people always say they used to lie in the grass and look up at the clouds, picking out the forms they looked like. Remember kids they had no TV back in those days. That’s why they did stuff like that.  Give them a Playstation and see if they would have gone outside.  It was almost like they were stuck on Gilligan's Island, not a single luxury.

Wards Laws #155

What the heck are road crews thinking. I mean, I understand that maybe one of the workers isn't really smart but to make that poor person hold a sign saying the he or she is “SLOW” is just wrong.